Definitions

I don't really like those open-ended questions about myself. My blog profile, for example, is just awkward for me. I consider myself a very confident individual. I like me. I am happy, for the most part, with who I am. That doesn't mean that there aren't thing's I'd like to change about myself. It just means that after many years of life, I have gotten to a place that is comfortable. That being said, I would rather not try to define myself in a blog profile or a questionaire. Who am I? As soon as the question is asked, I start to wonder. It's like a social experiment. There is so much that goes into me that it just seems impossible to sum myself up in a few words.



For Hadley's birthday, we gave her a storybook kit. It has these little books and she can write her own stories. Last night, she came running up with her first completed story. The title is "All About my Family" and she dedicates a page to each family member. She easily defined her mom as the one who takes care of everyone, her dad as the "fun" one who rides bikes with her, her brother Maddox as the one who gets in trouble but who she really loves and her brother Lincoln as her buddy who likes to say "goo". I could write several blogs about how unfair it is that I have to be the caregiver rather than the fun parent but that's not what worried me. What gave me pause was the page she wrote about herself.



She wrote, "I am the only one who is deaf. That means that I can't hear." That is the only thing she wrote about herself. She didn't write that she has sparkling eyes, that her favorite color is baby blue or pink depending on the hour of the day, that her laugh is contagious, that she loves to dance, that she reads better than any other first grader I've ever met, that she is full of love for everyone, or that she loves rain boots, umbrellas and rain coats but doesn't really like the rain. No...she wrote that she is deaf and that she is the only one who is deaf. It is the first time that I have ever seen her define herself like this and it is really bothering me.



I hope you don't misunderstand me. I am so proud of her deafness and I do not think it is something to be ashamed of. It is definitely a part of who she is. It sets her apart from many people and it does have a lot to do with her identity. I only can hope and pray that she knows that she is so much more.



In college I took a secondary education class on individuals with disabilities. If I learned nothing else in the class, I came away with an understanding of labelling and how it can be so dangerous. I remember being struck by the idea that we are all people first and that when referring to a child, we should first identify their humanity. Instead of saying a deaf girl, we should say a girl who is deaf. I have never really been hung up on that as a parent of a child with a disability. If someone says "deaf child", I am not instantly up in arms. However, the concept is so true. I want Hadley to be a 7 year old girl first and foremost. I want all of Hadley's "Hadliness" to shine through. I want people to notice HER. I want them to see that little dimple under her eye, to understand her silly jokes, to laugh at the fact that she never puts her book down, even when getting off the bus and walking across the street, to admire her fearlessness when trying new things, and to be drawn towards her because she is a powerful spirit. Sure, she is deaf; that may make her more interesting sometimes. But does it have to define her?