Wanna Get Away? Ding.

You know those Southwest commercials when something really awful happens and then the voice says, "Wanna get away?" Well, we just got away and I think that Southwest decided to make an anti-vacation commercial out of our vacation. This is the family trip that we will always remember. I tried to tell myself that over and over again as the trip progressed. "We're making memories," I kept thinking.

Now that we are home, I'd really like a vacation....

Here are my top 10 reasons for needing a vacation from my vacation:

10. The days we had planned on going to the beach or going swimming were overcast and the days we went to Disney were sunny. Thus, I have a terrible farmer's tan. I'd really like to get rid of it!

9. While my hotel was very nice and quite luxurious, I had a hard time enjoying it because there were never enough towels or sheets. Hi, Housekeeping, it's room 191 again. We'd like the usual. Thanks. Huh? Keep reading!

8. In the car on the way to the airport, Maddox threw up all over himself. That means that my car really smelled great by the time we got home!

7. I changed no less than 5 diahrrea diapers on the airplane in a one hour flight to California. Our row smelled like death. Ever wondered what India smells like? Try sitting in row 13 on the plane we took to California!

6.On our very first night in the hotel, we had to call the front desk at 3 am for a change of sheets because Maddox woke up and vomited all over. Here's one of the few advantages in being deaf: Hadley slept through the entire circus!

5. Apparently when your rental car keys fall out of your pocket at Disneyland, they are very difficult to find in the park at 10 pm. They are even more difficult to find when you don't know where you lost them, when they have no identifying key chains and when you are exhausted and your kids are FINISHED for the day.

4. When you are travelling with a family and there is only one hotel bathroom and a "traffic jam" because everyone needs to vomit or take care of other business all at the same time, which happens to be 3 am, you end up with some messes in the hall. Thankfully, we bought a Nemo bucket for the beach and one child was able to use the bucket.

3. My hotel room ended up smelling like row 13 on the airplane. The nominations for a name for this illness are 1. The Bamboo Flu, 2. The New Delhi Helly and 3. The Yangtsee River. And for the lady at the Sea World Shamu show who was eavesdropping on our coversation, no, the Yangtsee River is not in Alaska. Really? Is anyone really that stupid? I thought those Jay Walking people were faking it but apparently in California, anything is possible.

2. The Newport Beach Emergency room is a really nice place but it's not where I wanted to spend one of my vacation days. Luckily, Maddox is so darn cute that all of the doctors, nurses, PAs, etc. on staff came in to our room to hear him sing, "Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me!"

1. Sleeeeeeeeeep. I need sleep. Now that my baby is finally sleeping through the night, I expected to get at least one good night's sleep on this trip. Not so much. With two kids vomiting and a very sick husband, there wasn't much, if any, sleep on this trip. You know you have a problem when you tuck each child in at night with a bucket next to them. One child got the Nemo bucket, one child got the hotel ice bucket. Hopefully housekeeping throws that thing away!

Since I had the "mental toughness" to avoid the illness, I figure I deserve a vacation now. I plan to leave the sick kids and sick husband at home and just go soak up some sunshine on a deserted beach somewhere. There will be no characters, rides, chicken nuggets, diapers, emergency rooms, sippy cups, sleepless nights or Disneyland lost and found visits on my vacation. There will be no traffic jams, sold out baseball games, cloudy skies or stinky hotel rooms on my vacation. I will not be sitting in row 13 of the airplane. I'd love a grown up who reads interesting things and provides good conversation but who doesn't throw sand, isn't sick, and knows when to shut up, close their eyes and enjoy the peace to accompany me. Any takers?