It is so hard to relate to somebody until you have walked a mile in their shoes. As a fan of shoes, you'd think I wouldn't mind walking around in other peoples' shoes. Not so. Setting aside the fact that I have a real foot fetish and don't like my feet being where other peoples' feet are, I can honestly say that I have become quite comfortable in my own shoes.
In my shoes, you'd know what it means to have a deaf child. See...most of you probably don't want to put these shoes on. They are cute shoes but they can be a bit uncomfortable at times.
I really am not complaining. I am so grateful for Hadley and for all that she has taught me. She is a shining light. Her spirit radiates and everyone who knows her absolutely falls in love with her. But...
We were driving home the other day and Hadley and Maddox were both in the back seat. Somehow, it came up that the earth is not actually a circle but a sphere. Hadley tried at least five times to say the word "sphere" but was really having a hard time with it. (Note: Misha, call the speech therapist and ask her to put that on our trouble word list.) After her failed attempts, Maddox clearly says, "No, Hadley, it's SPHERE." I felt my heart drop and I think I could hear Hadley's drop in the back seat.
I know how lucky I am that Hadley can sit in the back seat and even talk about what shape the earth is. I do understand that. I also know that this spherical earth is full of people who say awful things. It's full of awful words and awful thoughts and sometimes, Hadley's deafness spares her from some of the ugliness. Man, it's hard, though. You try to give your children everything. I WOULD give her my ears if I could. I really would. I have these moments when I wonder about what Hadley has in her future.
Last Sunday, Hadley's cochlear implant battery died during church. There were only about 15 minutes left and she asked her teacher if she could come find me to get a new battery. He told her she had to wait. Really? Can you really make that kind of a decision for someone. No, I'm sorry, you don't get to hear for the rest of church. I wasn't mad at him. He really didn't understand. He's never been in Hadley's shoes. We did have a few seconds of awkward tension after church when I asked him why he didn't let her come find me and change her battery. It has just been weighing on my mind, though. See, I understand fully what it's like in my own shoes. I have come to terms with being a parent of a deaf child. I am still not so sure what things are like for Hadley. What would it feel like to not be able to hear sometimes? To have technical difficulties in the middle of birthday parties, church classes, school, movies...that completely turn off the sound.
I know that it's my job as a mom to worry about my kids. I know it's my job to make sure that they have lots of comfortable shoes & stylish shoes; rain boots and snow boots; flip flops and tennis shoes. Hadley....has...a...lot...of...shoes. Literally. But figuratively, back to this whole metaphor of walking in someone else's shoes -- I think she's okay. I think so. She seems to take it all in stride. She seems to wear her shoes well. Could I?
10 comments:
Looking at others, I feel ok about the fact that we are having twins. :) I think we are definately given trials that we are still capable of handling-as trying as it is most of the time. With that said, I still say that you guys are inspirational. And Hadley is a freakin doll.
Ah Mish, what a cool post. Hadley definitely wears her shoes well. When people meet her for the first time they seem genuinely surprised to realize she is deaf. She's such a little smarty pants!
I know Hadley's ability to wear her shoes isn't your point though. I'm sure none of us could begin to understand what it's like to walk around in her shoes. One thing is for sure... she makes it seem like it's not a big deal. Hadley is a little walking, talking source of inspiration. She's such a great example of determination and the power of a positive attitude. She undoubtedly experiences frustrations the rest of us can't begin to understand, but honestly, those of us who don't live with her would never know it. She's one amazing little girl. And you're a really great mom.
Misha,
That was beautiful! Thanks for making me think. I am so grateful to know you and your amazing Hadley! You are doing a wonderful job!
As awful as my shoes feel sometimes, I'd rather have them then some other pairs I've seen around.
Thank you for your post. Your writing really does fill my day with sunshine and I forget that you (and others) have challenges, too. Occasionally, I come across deaf people and it really does take some effort to think about what things must be like for them.
Graeden had a blind girl in his class at church about a year ago. Whenever I saw her, I gave her my hands and she would know who I was by touch and sound. I often wondered about her in class and about how she learned. We are so visually inclined...and sound is so important to us, too.
I took an audiology class in college and learned about cochlear implants. I'm so glad that Hadley can have them...how frustrating though when someone doesn't realize how crucial they are.
Thanks Misha, that was very eloquent. I think Hadley is amazing and probably so much stronger because of her challenges. In addition YOU are so much stronger because of your challenges. And thank you for sharing your challenges with people like me. I may not be able to walk in your shoes but I can learn from them and feel compassion for them (if you can be compassionate about shoes :) ). We don't all get to have the same experiences but hopefully we can still grow by helping others with their experiences.
You know, I'm not sure I would have stayed so calm if someone denied my child the right to hear. Wow. My heart fell, too, when you wrote about what her innocent little brother said. I HATE it when kids say something about my kids. I can't imagine how hard it must be when it's something that she really can't help. I remember when you were trying to get hadley into the deaf school, but they didn't want to accept her because she was so smart. Did you ever get her in? When I met you it was just you and Hadley. I was so impressed at how you handled everything that you were going through. I wanted to be like you when I "grew up." Not very many people have the stamina that you do.
Sounds like you BOTH wear your shoes well! I've heard so much about Hadley through Gigi and can't wait to meet her someday. You have a wonderful family and your posts are inspirational.
Great to get to know my cousin through blogging!
Wow what an amazing little girl you have, and what a great mom.
I don't know what it is like to walk in her shoes, nor yours but they must be some pretty big shoes, full of life experiences and wisdom.
Thank you for teaching and sharing. I too sometimes feel that my shoes need to be turned in for someone's different shoes, but in reality I need to be grateful for what I have.
Misha, here's my comment. =) I was so touched by your post, and I know that there's no way to know someone's heart when you haven't walked in their shoes. I, too, am so impressed with you at keeping your cool. That is a great example to me, and what a way to "return to virtue," like Sister Dalton taught in conference. =)
Misha... I am so embarrassed I am sitting at my desk at work with tears filling my eyes and trying not to let anyone notice! You are an amazing mother and are so sweet to share your experiences! Thank you! I hope everything is going well, I love that family picture above! What a lucky family!
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